[Written 29/04/2023]
A realization we have had about our system recently is none of our alters are really one person. But not in the “we’re all part of a whole,” way.
We used to think some of the more frequent flyers around here slowly developed more complex roles, while fragments and those who did not come around as often didn’t get a chance to become more elaborated by virtue of being less common. This made sense to us for a long time, until about a year ago when we noticed our frequent flyers identities started to get more unstable. I.e, they started having conflicting thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about things around them and their own identity. We didn’t notice for a long time. It’s common to not feel like yourself or make decisions you wouldn’t normally make when you’re a system.
What made us realize is when one of our frequent flyers (“H”), while fully identifying as themselves, made decisions and statements that conflicted heavily with their very strongly held beliefs. H remembered doing these things, but said it felt like someone else. H and the rest of us chalked it up to passive influence or a possible subsystem, but it wasn’t until another alter, “S”, had another alter metaphorically step out from behind him. The alter in question was very similar to S, but acted and held different ideas and beliefs than S. Those beliefs in questions where ones S had previously stated were his, but went back on them later.
What I mean by behind is that these fragments/alters do not have their own identity. Most of them just take on the identity of one alter and pretend to be them. They talk, act, and behave as that alter would. Eventually, as they front more, they get more elaborated and start acting on their own beliefs more, which makes the original alter seem more complex and varied than they actually are. Sometimes these fragments “break off” the original alter and develop their own sense of self, other times they don’t.
When we realized this, it sort of threw a wrench in how we viewed our system and alters. What we thought were cohesive, single alters.. weren’t. It wasn’t “one alter with a complex role,” or, “one very elaborated alter.” It ended up being “one alter with a role that has multiple fragments behind them with different roles.” We’ve been having to course-correct how we talked about, approached and think about our alters so that the issues we’re having can be resolved for everyone.